How to Talk to Children About War
How to Talk to Children About War
My first year teaching was in 1989 at Spirit Creek Middle School which serves Fort Gordon, a military base in Augusta, GA. Consequently, most of my students had one or both parents deployed in the Middle East during the First Gulf War and Desert Storm. Because my Language Arts classes were Writing Workshop style, my students wrote and shared about what was meaningful and important in their own life. I read about their families, their fears, the agony of separation and the bitter sweet reunions that were always too brief. I gained insight about how kids feel, think and act during times of war. This is where I learned the most about how to talk to children about war. In order to help students deal with stress and anxiety, I became interested in practices that ultimately lead me to creating Grounded Kids yoga.
Talking to children about war has become exponentially more challenging. The internet, social media, and editorialized news has made it impossible for the adults in their lives to accurately know what content they’ve consumed, making conversation that much more critical.
Here are some steps to guide your conversation with children about war:
Coping with Crises
- Initiate the conversation to talk to your child or teen about war using age-appropriate language.
- Ask what they know about the situation.
- Don’t assume you know what they are thinking or feeling. Ask how they are feeling and what they are thinking. Validate their feelings.
- Clear up any thoughts that are factually inaccurate about the war.
- Explain that two seemingly contradictory feelings can be true at the same time. We can want a peaceful solution for Israelis and Palestinians.
- Kids will take emotional cues from adults so be sensitive to their level of anxiety and speak calmly without oversharing. Listen more than you speak.
- You do not need to have all the answers. You can find out facts from reputable sources. Remind them that many people are working hard to stop the conflict and find peace.
- It is okay to let children know that you are upset by the events. Share your beliefs and values in a way that respects and shows compassion toward all civilians. Conflict may lead to prejudice and discrimination. Check that your children are not experiencing or contributing to bullying.
- Limit media coverage. The more time children spend viewing coverage of the war, the more negative they become which interferes with resilience. The younger the child, the less exposure they should have. Pre-school children should not be exposed to coverage at all. Support teens by viewing media together and use it for ongoing conversations.
Building Resilience
- Share positive stories of people helping each other and calling for peace. Participate in taking positive action such as fundraising or creating art promoting peace. Ask what they would like to do to bring more love and light into the world.
- Increase connections by spending more time together doing things that bring laughter and joy, offering reassuring hugs and reaching out to extended family and friends. We can’t control the darkness but we can bring more love and light into the world through these actions.
- Keep to their routines and schedules.
- Be more patient. When stressed, kids and teens will have more challenges with their behavior and ability to focus and pay attention.
- Practice Self-Care! Model getting enough rest, play, exercise, nutrition and asking for support.
- Check in daily. I suggest this simple practice before and after conversation. It is called Peace Begins With Me and it is from the Kundalini Yoga lineage.
Peace Begins With Me Meditation for Children
Repeat the mantra Peace Begins With Me as you tap your thumb on your pointer, middle, ring and little fingers. Each word corresponds with a different finger. Say this out loud, then in a whisper, then silently in your mind for double the time, then in a whisper and finally again out loud.
Peace – Pointer fingers
Begins – Middle fingers
With – Ring fingers
Me – Little fingers
This meditation redirects your mind, reduces stress and supports your overall well-being. I have found that kids and teens who are familiar enough with this practice can simply think the mantra while touching their fingers in this pattern anytime during the day as a quick intervention to stress and anxiety.
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